before i started blogging,
i turned on the computer
and lay out the wires the way you like
unfathomable actions

it is with lots of selfishness
that i asked for three months
because three months and i would
have fulfilled all duties

three months to be your ideal girl
three months to exchange the bad
for good memories
three months to hold you
knowing that there can be nothing more
to believe we defy the impossible

i saw your tears
three months is all
please understand
i know you hate me for asking
it doesn't make sense
to me that it is over
my heart felt too shattered 
i will ask no more
like the change of the season
three months due.

i know it is not possible
to take away all that has happened
all the pain, disillusion
and three months is perhaps a lie
more to me than to you
as you have always been the rational
knowing exactly
where you are in life
forgive me
it is the most selfish thing
to ask from you

to complete a three month walk with you
to nowhere except to find an end
and balance myself  to cope
i realise last night how little value
of my life there is i want
to love, to stop feeling
the highs and lows
i do not think it is pointless
because all this while
my life revolves around you
circling and tightening around us
and i want to cut away that circle
i understand it never what you want
nor ask from me

please let me go gently
that way i can hold you tightly
and let you go
it is precisely because neither of us are
robots that i want three months of your time

life door closes
three months to tie up all loose end. 
and clear the shadow of
my existence in your life
because i never intended to inflict upon you
hurt, pain nor suffocation

this is the deadline i am setting for myself
to complete all the things we
wanted from each other.